Strength

Strength is not always what it seems. Sometimes strength can be a weakness. Sometimes you build up walls so the world doesn’t see you hurting, doesn’t see your wounds. Those walls can be fortresses, which are useful in battle, but unnecessary in times of peace.

I tend to put up a lot of walls to prevent the outside world from seeing what’s going on inside. It’s something I’m really good at. Most of the time, when I say I’m doing good, I really am doing good. I love life. Life is good. God is good. But there are times when those walls are the things holding me back from healing. Sometimes God sends me someone to be a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, but I don’t talk and I won’t cry. I just say “Yeah, I’m good” and change the subject. Because of this, I often find myself ejecting all my pent-up emotions and pain in the solitude of my bedroom, all by myself.

I need to be better at letting people in, letting others see some of my wounds so that I don’t have to heal alone. Wounds heal much faster with proper care and sometimes other people know how to help me heal better than I do.

So, if God sends you to me, please be persistent and patient. I have a tough heart, but also one that’s been through a lot. Please don’t give up on me.